you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
