just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
