dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
