You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
