I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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