I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
