no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
