i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
