oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize