if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
