My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
