farters have to be the big spoon...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
