i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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