none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dicks are not precious.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
