gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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