If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
