it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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