ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have demons in me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
