He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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