it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am available for nakedness
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
