I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
