you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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