I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
