i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
