dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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