she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
operation harelip BJ is a go
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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