dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
