i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
