Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
