Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
