my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
