Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
