We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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