What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
