gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
