My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry about my life...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
