he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
