if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
