Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
