Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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