I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
