i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
