I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
