i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
