..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did i just pee glitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
