I could have mohawked her pubes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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