just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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