did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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