OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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