You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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