Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize