I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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