just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
