Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
