I'm going to jail i love you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
