I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How's work?
Spinning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
