I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
