Where is the hickey?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize