i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
