just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I just sharted jello shots
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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