guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
