I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
