I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
