the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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