When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
