you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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