that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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