I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
