Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
