One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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