i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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