Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
