The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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