So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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