my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize